<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Rebirth by kg1507</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29411895">Rebirth</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kg1507/pseuds/kg1507'>kg1507</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last of Us (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abby (mentioned) - Freeform, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ellie Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (The Last of Us), F/F, Game: The Last of Us Part II, LGBTQ Themes, POV Ellie (The Last of Us), Spoilers, The Last of Us Spoilers, the last of us ii</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:21:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,109</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29411895</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kg1507/pseuds/kg1507</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ellie is a fighter, a survivor. She has killed hundreds of Infected, lived through more nightmares than any twenty year-old should ever have to in a lifetime. They call her fearless - but the thought of anyone other than Dina opening this door paralyzes her with unequivocal terror.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dina &amp; Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>88</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Rebirth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>If you asked someone to describe Ellie using only one word, most people would answer with, "fearless."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was always the first to volunteer for patrol shifts, especially those known to be heavily populated with Infected. She never so much as batted an eye when encountering spore-filled tunnels, and could bring down an advancing Clicker with two well-placed shots and a steadier hand than many of the older, more seasoned gunmen in Jackson. She may be lacking in a few social skills, sure, but there was no question that she more than made up for it with her kill count. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That Ellie, she sure isn't scared of anything..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I heard last week she took down a Bloater </span>
  <em>
    <span>by herself."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"I heard she came back from the mountain pass covered in Clicker blood, and not a single scratch on her."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It doesn't make sense - no one could've emptied out that sector by themselves and lived to tell about it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>She</span>
  </em>
  <span> did."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They muttered to each other behind cupped palms whenever she walked by; Ellie pretended she couldn't hear the reverent tone in their whispers. They thought she was fearless, or worse, "brave," but that couldn't be further from the truth. Plenty of things terrified Ellie to her very core - just not the things that scared everyone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn't worry about being bitten and turning into one of those deformities - her immunity ensured against that. She didn't worry about bandits or cults, nor did the thought of invaders give her much pause. There were so many things out there that threatened the small, safe world the people of Jackson had built for themselves, and Ellie would fight like hell to keep it that way, no matter how often it sent her barreling straight into the path of danger. If it kept the people she loved alive, even if it meant her own end, there was nothing she wouldn't face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She has killed hundreds of Infected, lived through more nightmares than any twenty year-old should ever have to in a lifetime, and yet nothing comes close to the stomach-churning terror she is experiencing right now on this beautiful spring day, hands shaking as she stands outside Dina's front door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Twenty-four hours ago, Ellie had trudged through the last few grueling miles of mountainous terrain, finally making it back to their farmhouse nearly six months after Tommy had shown up to tell her of Abby's whereabouts. It was a brutal road to take alone, especially on foot, and the return trip had been more difficult than expected - the boat she'd used to escape the slave camp would have been useful had she been able to scavenge a few containers of gas beforehand, but in the midst of all the chaos there had been no time for that. There was only enough in the tank for a few hours worth of travel, just enough to get her well away from that nightmarish place - and besides, the engine had made so much noise that Ellie knew anyone within a five mile radius could hear her, so she abandoned it along the coast the second the motor sputtered its last, glad to be on solid ground again. She preferred a quieter mode of transportation, something that wouldn't attract attention, but any settlements she passed along the way kept their horses closely guarded, as they should. Horses were precious commodities, and attempting to steal one on her own would have been extremely foolhardy, no matter how tempting. Better to come home slower and alive rather than risk not coming back at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her injuries slowed her down after infection had set in, and she fought a nasty fever and dehydration until she miraculously found an old pharmaceutical center that was still relatively stocked with supplies. She spent almost two weeks holed up there until the meds kicked in. To make matters worse, the wound in her side refused to stay closed no matter how many times she stitched it shut, and she'd had to stop again and hide in someone's abandoned basement while it healed. Again she had lucked out - whoever once lived there had been prepared for disaster, and she found a loose floorboard which revealed several vacuum sealed jars of what appeared to be berry preserves. She feasted on the jam for almost a week before continuing her long, lonely journey, with nothing to propel her forward except her own two feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then there were the hordes of Infected she'd had to skirt, taking her well off her intended course. Packs of four or five were manageable, easy to pick off - but large groups were too unpredictable and it was safer to backtrack to less populated areas, which meant fewer roads and harder paths to travel, or no path at all. The worst times were when she had to find an impromptu hiding place because she could neither go backwards nor continue onwards and was forced to wait, sandwiched between two large groups of Infected until they eventually dispersed. It was agonizing; Ellie spent many sleepless nights listening to Clicker calls just yards away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All these setbacks stretched a journey that should have taken five weeks tops into a six month nightmare trek, grueling and frustrating and seemingly with no end in sight - but somehow, against all odds, she climbed that last hill and saw their house silhouetted against a sky just starting to turn pink with the evening's sunset. Home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She'd known the farm was vacant the moment the path opened up to their fenced-in enclosure; the usual cacophony of chicken clucks, sheep bleats, and laundry flapping in the breeze had been replaced by an eerie silence that made the tiny hairs on her neck rise. It hadn't shocked her to find the house empty - Ellie knew Dina would've most likely taken JJ back to Jackson where they would be safe - but she still had to come home and check, if only to find some clue that Dina had left of her own accord, and was alive when she did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dark house was empty of both living and, blessedly, of corpses. Ellie found no blood stains, no bullet holes, nothing to suggest that Dina and the baby had come to any harm after she'd left them - but she'd learned long ago that things weren't always what they seemed; there were a hundred different scenarios that could have unfolded in her absence, and very few promised a happy ending.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She searched every room, every nook and cranny for some kind of tangible evidence that would point her in the right direction, trying her best to reign in her mounting panic. Then, upstairs, she finally found what she was looking for. Her guitar case sat upright in the corner of her makeshift studio; it was the only room that looked as if it hadn't been touched since she left. She unlatched the familiar metallic clasps and nestled between the worn strings was a folded piece of paper with her name on it, written in Dina's unmistakable handwriting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie unfolded the note with trembling fingers and breathed a shaky sigh of relief as she began to read - they had left for Jackson four months ago, her and the baby, accompanied by a dozen of the best sharpshooters in town assigned by Maria herself. They were planning on living with Jesse's parents until new housing arrangements could be made.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-I tried to make it work, I really did. But JJ is growing so fast and I just can't take care of him and the farm by myself. And I couldn't bear to walk into every room and know you wouldn't be there, with that smirk on your face and JJ on your hip. It hurts too much.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I pray every day that you're alive, and that you find the peace you're looking for. Please, find me in Jackson when it's finished. Come home to me. To us. We're here, waiting for you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dina and JJ</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie wiped her eyes with grimy hands, letting Dina's words wash over her like a gentle wave. She basked in the warmth for several long seconds, and then the spell broke as her mind filled with terrible thoughts that couldn't be ignored, because this world they lived in was cruel and she knew better than to hope.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Four months.</span>
  </em>
  <span> So much could have happened in that amount of time. What if one of them had gotten sick? Medical supplies were limited at best, and there wasn't always enough to go around if a particularly nasty virus found its way into a settlement, and JJ was so young...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had no idea what kind of state Jackson was in now. The town had been stable when she'd left, thriving even - but was that still the case? There were always rumors of neighboring towns going to war over supplies, although none had tried to breach Jackson's formidable defenses… yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then an even worse thought...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What if Dina had gotten tired of waiting for her? At the time of the letter, Ellie had been gone for roughly two months. She didn't doubt the love that radiated from the crinkled paper in her hands, but was it a love that had survived her long absence, or a precious relic of days past and feelings that had inevitably faded? It was easy to love someone out here, isolated away from the world - but back in Jackson, surrounded by people… Dina could have anybody, and Ellie knew for a fact that few would turn her down, baby or no baby in tow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a very real possibility that Dina could have met someone else in Jackson upon her return - someone who didn't wake up screaming in the middle of the night or instantly unsheath her knife when the shutters banged against the house during a storm. Someone who could help protect her son, who wouldn't abandon them to chase fevered dreams of vengeance and bloodlust. Someone who wasn't broken inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A lot could change in four months, but Ellie had made it this far and there was no way she was going to abandon them on a question of 'what if.' If she was going to leave them again, let it be Dina herself who told her to go. It would destroy Ellie, but she owed Dina closure if that was what it came to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was early evening by the time Ellie left the farm that had been their home, her heart heavy as she wondered if this was the last time she would ever see it again. She tucked the note in her backpack and left the guitar in its case, untouched. She couldn't bear to look at it, much less carry its weight upon her weary back. Jackson was roughly eight miles up the mountain, but there was a small cabin tucked away in the woods at the halfway point; it was a safe, sturdy place to spend the night before continuing on in the morning. Ellie was sure she wouldn't be able to sleep, but the moment she finished preliminary recon and her head hit the lumpy, misshapen pillow, she fell into a deep, undisturbed slumber and dreamed of JJ in her lap and Dinah's head on her shoulder, a scarlet sunset painting the sky in front of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Ellie woke the next day, she bathed as best as she could in the stream outside the cabin, golden morning light warming her bare skin as she scrubbed herself pink. She changed into the cleanest clothes she had left, a plain blue shirt and jeans that she had found in an old dilapidated store on the outskirts of a long-abandoned beach town. They were well-worn and softened with age, baggy in the legs and hips. Ellie hoped she didn't look as scrawny as she felt. She'd managed to gain a few much needed pounds on the return trip, but she still looked gaunt and hollow - a shadow of her former self.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least the hole inside of her felt smaller, less cavernous than it had when all of this first began. Letting Abby go, watching her boat disappear into the mist, Ellie thought it would fill her with regret. She waited for the agony of failure to hit her head-on as the adrenaline wore off, but days passed and all Ellie felt was a quiet sense of acceptance. Joel's death still grieved her and always would - but it was time to find something else to fight for, something that wouldn't destroy her in the process. She could almost feel her heart repairing itself, stitch by stitch, until one day she hoped she could add it to her collection of scars.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A doe and her fawn appeared on the other side of the bank as she was changing, watching her curiously. Ellie slowly opened her bag and pulled out her notebook and a blunt stub of a pencil as the deer quietly grazed, unphased by her scent. She spent a few minutes loosely sketching them until she had a rough outline that could be polished later. She expected them to bolt as she hoisted her bag and began to walk, but they remained at the bank's edge. Large brown eyes calmly followed her movement and the doe flicked her ears forward in silent encouragement, or at least that was what Ellie told herself. She would take every good omen she could get.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woods were quiet, but in a peaceful way. Constant patrolling kept the Infected from making it too close to the town's outskirts, and the only sounds Ellie heard as she walked were birdsong and new green leaves moving gently in the light breeze. She felt about as safe as someone could be outside walls and barbed wire fences. It was a familiar path she walked, and the trees and undergrowth were so thick that it was unlikely she would run into any Infected, or at least any that could catch her unawares. Still, she was smart enough not to let her guard down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The last mile was the hardest, not because of the rocky terrain and altitude change, but because Ellie had to frequently stop and try to calm her racing heart. Distinct landmarks told her she was getting close to town, and the thought of her journey finally coming to a real, tangible end was suddenly terrifying. Her mouth was parched and dry no matter how much water she drank, and her skin felt cold and clammy even in the warm spring sunshine. When the wall that surrounded Jackson finally came into view, Ellie felt a wave of panic so strong she had to brace herself against the thick trunk of a tree for several long moments. All this time she'd had one goal, one purpose propelling her forward - if there was nothing and no one left for her in Jackson, what would she do? Where would she go?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thought of seeing Dina again, whatever happened afterwards, was the only thing that kept her feet moving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie raised her hands in the air a hundred yards from reaching the gate, knowing there were at least three different sniper scopes fixed on her position. She came to a stop at the door and was met with half a dozen rifles pointed down at her, but even this had no impact on her nerves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"State your name and purpose here." An intimidating voice growled down from the top of the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie couldn't help the smile that formed across her lips as the voice registered from somewhere buried long ago in her brain. "Don't you recognize an old friend when you see one, Andrew?" Her voice cracked from lack of use, and she realized this was the first time she'd spoken to another human being since leaving Santa Barbara.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A pause from above, and then, "Shit, is that you, Ellie?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gave the order to open the gate and Ellie's breath caught in her throat as the town appeared in full view. Her eyes drank in the familiarity of the busy streets, the sound of horses whinnying in their stalls, and the smell of fresh pine and hay that wafted through the air. She thought she had never seen a more beautiful place in her life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a brief reunion and more than one or two curious stares from passersby, Ellie said the only thing she could manage to get out before she ended up doing something stupid, like cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dina?" She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew's eyes softened briefly and he nodded; Ellie let out a breath so harsh and sudden that it hurt her lungs. She only realized now that despite the large escort, there was a chance that Dina and JJ hadn't made it back to Jackson at all. There was no telling what lurked in the woods on any given day - more often than not, you depended on luck more than any amount of preplanned safety measures.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew gave her directions towards Dina's house at the center of town, where most of the families with children lived. Ellie thanked him and started walking, trying to remember if any single parents had ever lived in that sector. She couldn't think of anyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>People did double-takes as she walked by, but Ellie was purposeful in her stride, keeping her head down and not making eye contact on her way. The last thing she wanted right now was a dozen people bombarding her with questions and sympathetic gazes. Thankfully, no one tried to stop her. She walked quicker now that the miles had dwindled down to nothing, a mantra echoing in her head with each step she took. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Di-na, J-J, Di-na, J-J, Di-na Di-na J-J Di-na…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And suddenly she's there, her hand poised to knock on the door even though she doesn't remember climbing the trio of porch steps to reach it. She stands there for a whole minute with her arm in the air like an idiot, and for one brief moment she considers running. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie is a fighter, a survivor. They call her fearless - but the thought of anyone other than Dina opening this door paralyzes her with unequivocal terror.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She knocks, a hollow, tentative sound, and lets her arm drop back to her side. Her fingers are numb and tingling as the blood rushes down. She stares at her feet, intently focusing on her fraying shoelaces instead of the thudding pulse in her ears. She tries to remember when was the last time she found shoelaces, and wonders what she could trade for a decent pair of shoelaces or if she can get away with these shoelaces for a few more months because they still have a little life left in them and oh my god she hears footsteps and if she ran right this second would she make it around the corner before tripping and falling flat on her face-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then the door opens with a creak that begs for a splash of oil on its hinges. Ellie's head jerks up and her mind goes completely blank as her stomach falls to her feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dina's right hand is wrapped around the chipped body of a steaming mug of something - tea, probably, because she hates coffee too. Her hair curls in long dark tendrils around her face and Ellie's first semi-coherent thought is: Dina never wears her hair down. Who has told her they like her hair down? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dina's eyes open as wide as the doe’s at the stream as she takes in the unexpected sight of Ellie in her doorway. Her lips part in shock and she takes a sharp intake of breath before her chest goes still, as if she's forgotten how to exhale. For a brief moment the world disappears around them, and the only tangible solid ground that tethers them to here and now is this porch, stained with dirty streaks and peeling paint from a time neither of them had been born to see.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ellie?" Dina's voice is barely a whisper, breaking on the last syllable, and that sweet sound ringing in her ears after so long is all it takes for six months of loneliness and regret to come pouring out of Ellie's mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I shouldn't have left you," Ellie blurts without preamble. Her eyes fill with unbidden tears as she clenches her hands into fists. Her overgrown nails bite into the skin of her palms, leaving tiny crescent-shaped indentations behind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She wasn't more important. She never was. I thought I needed revenge for what she did to Joel. I thought it would make me feel whole again, but I was wrong. You and JJ make me whole, and I'm sorry it took me so long to figure that out. I'm so, so sorry, and I understand if you never want to see my face again. If that's what you want, I'll go. I don't blame you at a-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There is a crash and warm liquid splashes on the cuffs of Ellie's jeans as Dina drops the mug, letting it shatter to pieces without a second thought. A sound halfway between a sob and a whimper escapes from Dina's throat as she launches herself towards Ellie, colliding into her with a force that nearly knocks the breath from her lungs. She feels Dina's shaky hands come up underneath her arms to clutch at her bony shoulder blades, as if her death grip is the only thing that will keep Ellie from disappearing again.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"You're alive." </span>
  </em>
  <span>She chokes, and before Ellie can say a word in response, Dina grabs two tight fistfuls of Ellie's shirt and walks them backwards into the house, her eyes wet and lidded with something that makes Ellie's heart skip a beat, and she is too stunned to do anything but let herself be dragged in after her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dina slams the door shut with one palm the second Ellie is inside and the sudden sound makes her flinch, although it doesn't set her off like it used to. She's too distracted by the way Dina's hands are cupping her face, thumbs running across her protruding cheekbones, her eyes scanning over every inch of her as if she still can't believe she's really there. Dina's face breaks into a watery grin and she lets out a breath that is somehow both a laugh and a cry, and then she is kissing her lips, her jaw, her chin, and Ellie is just </span>
  <em>
    <span>standing</span>
  </em>
  <span> there, stiff-limbed and frozen in place as her neurons struggle to catch up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ellie?" Dina pulls back, concerned. Ellie can't speak, her throat is so tight it feels like she's been bound with a noose. "Babe, what is it?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The term of endearment dislodges the knot and Ellie breathes in sharply, her arms come up to rest on Dina's waist and it feels so familiar and natural and </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span> in a world where so much has gone horribly, horribly wrong. There are so many things she wants to say - Ellie has been preparing for this moment for months, but all of her planned speeches have flown straight out of her head and what comes out is -</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Is there someone else?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There is a beat of silence and Dina's hands freeze on Ellie's neck. Then, to her horror, tears fill Dina's eyes and Ellie's heart plummets. She's about to turn around and run - to where, she has no idea, but then she hears something that makes absolutely no sense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dina is </span>
  <em>
    <span>laughing.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She rests both hands on Ellie's shoulders, leaning forward to rest the top of her head against Ellie's sternum. She lingers there a moment before taking a step closer and looking back up, eyes glassy and tears streaming down her cheeks, her gaze incredulous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you fucking kidding me?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie's cheeks flame with heat and she's not sure if it's from embarrassment, anger, or a little bit of both. "I didn't… I wasn't sure... I thought you would hate me." She mutters, too self-conscious to look her in the eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dina bites her bottom lip, looking contrite. "I </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>angry - for like, a week, but then I just worried the rest of time. I couldn't stop thinking about you, missing you, hoping you were ok out there on your own." Dina tucks a short strand of hair behind Ellie's ear, and her fingers trail down her jawline, featherlike. "You really thought I hated you?" She asks softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie blinks, twin teardrops dripping from the precipice of her sharply outlined cheekbones. She leans into Dina's fingers. "I hated </span>
  <em>
    <span>myself</span>
  </em>
  <span>."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dina takes Ellie's face in her hands, forcing her to meet her insistent gaze. "I hated how much pain you were in, and how helpless I felt knowing there was nothing I could do for you. I was angry that you left, even though I understand why you had to, but I never hated </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Ellie. Never." Her thumbs brush Ellie's tears away before they can travel any further than the hollows underneath her eyes before continuing, her voice husky and low with emotion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And as for this 'someone else' bullshit, I’m only gonna say this once, in case I haven’t been clear up until now -” Dina touches her forehead to Ellie’s and holds her gaze. “You are </span>
  <em>
    <span>it </span>
  </em>
  <span>for me, ok? You have </span>
  <em>
    <span>been </span>
  </em>
  <span>‘it’ for a long time now, longer than before I even </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> you were 'it' - and as long as you and I are alive, you will always be ‘it,’ no matter what happens. I don’t know how else to make it any clearer.” Dina leans in tantalizingly close, tilting her head slightly and locking her arms around Ellie’s neck. Ellie feels the heat of her skin through the thin material of her shirt, can count every single one of Dina’s wet, dark eyelashes as she says - </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Now, are you going to kiss me, or do I have to do everything myself?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The last word is barely out of Dina’s mouth before Ellie silences her with her own. The shattered remains of the ceramic mug crunch under her feet as she backs Dina up against the nearest wall, who lets out a satisfied groan in response. They are all hands and fingers, each of them trying to remove the others’ clothes and still remain locked together, which results in a clumsy fumbling in their fevered rush. They finally part for air and the pause supplies them with the necessary oxygen needed in order to find their old rhythm, although there is nothing stale or boring about it. It feels like the very first time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie makes quick work out of unbuttoning Dina's shirt, kissing her way down as inches of skin reveal themselves to her. Dina shrugs her shoulders free of the fabric, pooling at their feet, and buries her hands in Ellie's hair. She guides her up with a soft but insistent pull, back to her hungry lips. Lifting the hem of Ellie's top, Dina yanks it free over her head and cups one breast while using the tip of her tongue to draw one quick line up her collarbone. Dina's touch is warm, but Ellie shivers violently in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She's so lost in the moment that she doesn't even realize the button of her jeans has been undone until she feels the pad of Dina's thumb against her clit, rubbing in slow circles that make her legs turn to rubber. Ellie grabs onto Dina for support, using what little breath she can get to capture her lips in short, panting kisses. Dina increases her speed, and Ellie sees stars as her hips press into hers at the height of her climax, coming quickly and hard. She rests her forehead against Dina's and mutters lowly, "</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck…"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Dina twines their fingers together, sidles away from the wall and pulls a dazed Ellie after her. The house is only one story, and the master bedroom lies at the end of the dark hallway. Ellie notices a smaller bedroom along the way, notes the small corner of toys and half-open closet. The clothes on the hangers are bigger than the child she left behind, and Ellie's heart aches deep within her chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Where is he?" Ellie asks, her voice thick with emotion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn't need to elaborate. Dina squeezes her hand lightly as they enter her bedroom. She closes the door softly this time, backs Ellie against the worn wood, and brushes her cheek with the back of her hand. "With his grandparents, until tomorrow."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie is about to respond but Dina cuts her off, kissing her deeply, slowly this time. She runs her hands down Ellie's body, and God her touch feels so good that Ellie can hardly form coherent thoughts…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dina pulls away suddenly, her breath hitching as her fingers land on the scar on her abdomen. She takes a step back and seems to really see her for the first time. Her eyes travel from the scar to Ellie's prominent ribcage, to the hand that has two fingers missing, and Ellie is afraid Dina will recoil at the sight - but she only takes a shaky breath as she meets Ellie's gaze, and there is nothing but tenderness in her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, Ellie…"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie responds by using her mangled hand to pop the button and swipe the zipper of Dina's jeans open in one smooth motion, moving them backwards until their legs hit the bed. She smirks, tracing the line of her underwear with a knuckle. "They work just fine."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dina bites her lower lip and returns the look, and Ellie feels her throat close up with emotion. She gently guides Dina down, taking her time kissing a slow path down her body. She silently shucks Dina's pants off and is about to move up to kiss her again, but Dina mewls in protest, pushing Ellie's head back down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ellie, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>…" She practically begs, "</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please…</span>
  </em>
  <span>" And in that moment Ellie knows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Moving on is hard, nearly impossible, and it can easily be mistaken for giving up. Joel is gone, and Abby lives because Ellie was merciful. She will never stop hating Abby for taking Joel away from her, but she doesn’t have to let it consume her any longer. Joel wouldn’t have wanted her to lose herself in revenge - it won’t bring him back. But maybe she had to learn that the hard way, and maybe she’s all the better for it now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All the miles travelled, all the wounds and scars, every minute of crippling despair and terror - this moment with Dina, knowing what she knows now... this is her rebirth, and for the first time in ages, Ellie is at peace.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Been writing this on and off since June 2020 and GOD am I glad it's done lol</p><p>I realized too late that the roundtrip Ellie made from Jackson to Santa Barbara probably only would've taken about 5 weeks but by the time I learned that I was already too deep into writing to go back and make changes, so... do me a favor and pretend 6 months is believable</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>